Last week’s ‘Jersey Shore’ episode will go down in history. Juxtaposing Sammi’s drunk punch with Ryder’s birthday celebration (complete with dramatic background music) is sheer television genius. With an episode so strong — season-finale worthy — how will producers continue to beat up the beat so thoroughly for the rest of the season?

As much fun as it is, no one wants to watch episode after episode of clubbing at Karma and arguments at the Shore Store. Now at the height of its third season, the cast of ‘Jersey Shore’ needs to step it up with even wilder antics.

Anything can happen at the shore. Ronnie said himself in the first season that he never thought he’d fall in love at Seaside Heights, N.J. — which makes the future actions of our eight favorite guidos and guidettes even more exciting to guess.

Here are some predictions for how the show could possibly top itself once again:

Snooki loses J-Woww’s dogs.

That plastic gate is clearly not strong enough for those two little hairballs. And Snooki’s definitely the one with the least common sense in the house. J-Woww obviously cares about her animals and probably knows better than to trust her dear Nicole with them. But one thing will lead to another, and the chances the door is left open and they escape are high and likely. But just imagine the chase down the streets of Seaside looking for them. Hopefully Snooki wears her sneaker slippers.

Turns out those rumors about Deena are true.

I mean, she says it herself — she’s a blast in a glass. And maybe she’s a blast in bed, too.

Deena and Dean’s fight at Karma was weak — no one cares enough about her or that budding relationship (we saw him once in the last episode, give us a break) to be enthralled with her drunken arguing. However, we keep watching because we need to know if that’s really the case. Deena struggled to tell The Situation the rumors weren’t true, and the fight with Dean was her saving face. Deena’s a dirty girl — let’s hope people don’t get their toothbrushes mixed up.

Sammi leaves.

It’s inevitable. And it needs to happen. The girl is delusional, and everyone — including Ronnie — knows it. It may seem like rainbows and butterflies in the upstairs bedroom right now, but Sammi’s track record shows us she won’t be able to maintain this attitude.

Sure, we’re encouraged by her discussion with J-Woww. At first, it seems like things are finally going to smooth out. But the show can’t sustain itself without this dramatic plotline. It’s not all harmonious at the shore.

Sammi is irrational and crazy, especially when drunk, as proven by the punch last episode. Her ability to overreact to the tiniest issues, combined with Ronnie’s borderline craziness, is the recipe for relationship disaster. You don’t punch a person and get back with him or her for good later that night. She’ll be gone within the next three episodes … finally.

Nothing will top the initial introduction of the grenade whistle.

Hyped on the previews, on visits to late-night talk shows and by the cast members, the grenade whistle is already legendary. And The Situation’s reaction to hearing its sound can never be topped.

We all know The Situation is fine as long as the girl is DTF. But only the sound of the vuvuzela can cut through his drunken haze and make him realize what he’s about to do. And his facial expression is some of the best TV we’ve seen on MTV in a long time.

Every other time they break out the whistle, it won’t be the same. It’s the same feeling you got as a child when you opened your new toys on Christmas morning. After playing with them once, the magical feeling just isn’t there. Or maybe the feeling you get as the Quad gets covered in snow. The magic is gone after a few … hours.

The grenade whistle will prove to be the most useful addition to the house this season (far more useful than Deena) but will not provide that magical feeling when it sounds again.

Burgers will be made for the boys.

After a long day of G, T and L, they need nourishment. And that’s where the burgers come in.

As evidenced by Ronnie’s masterful performance at the grill post-Karma, they have everything they need. And as we see at every Sunday dinner, food is a major part of the shore lifestyle. Burgers for the boys have been absent too long into this season, and Pauly D can’t go on much longer without exclaiming it throughout the house. You can definitely ‘roger that’ the next time they start to cook.

knmciner@syr.edu

Published on January 30, 2011 at 12:00 pm