We can pretend Syracuse University is an inclusive institution as much as we want, but until the dog community is fairly represented on campus, I’m not satisfied.

Man’s best friend deserves a place in our classrooms. Dogs have a right to education just as much as the rest of us, yet they make up less than one percent of the student population — such a low pooch percentage is just shameful for such a large student body.

That’s why I’m trying to give a bite to the barkless. I asked Leroy Watson, a 6-year-old mini golden doodle I met outside Jimmy John’s, if he thought dogs had fair representation on campus. He had a lot to say on the issue: “Woof woof woof woof, bark ruff, woof bark.” I’m told that translates to “I want that sandwich.” Truly inspiring.

Integrating dogs into the SU community is the essential next step toward open and productive dialogue. Our dialogue will be so good, it’ll be inter-species. The Princeton Review will be so confused as to how to respond, our rankings will blow up. Chancellor Syverud, have you ever wanted to be on the cover of Time Magazine? Now’s your chance.

The campus environment will never be more welcoming. I can see it now: students of all races, ethnicities and breeds on the quad playing catch. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but this may be the key to world peace.

Not only that, but I think we could expect a complete renaissance of knowledge across all fields of study. International relations. Religion. French. History of Fire Hydrants. The contributions dogs could make to our world becoming a more understanding place are unlimited. Of course, student selection will continue to remain at the discretion of the admissions committee. They’ll be able to know who’s a good boy.

Understandably, some adjustments will have to be made to support our canine comrades. I will gladly assist the university in removing chocolate bars from the campus vending machines. Our next summer-long, multimillion-dollar construction project can be doggy door installation in all people doors. Maybe then, I’ll actually read Pete Sala’s emails.

Other than that, the costs are few. Dogs can be great roommates — maybe even RAs — as long as there is a patch of grass on every floor for them to do their business. Plus, they love the table scrap meal plan. Until these changes are implemented, our commitment to a diverse exchange of ideas is just talk. The administration has been chasing its tail, and I will hound them until they roll over.

Join my cause. You can sign my Change.org petition here. Together, we can lead the fight against doggy discrimination.

No cats though. I’m not trying to start a breed war.

Ian McCourt is a senior television/radio/film major. He’s never had a dog, as his mom is allergic. Isn’t that sad? You can cheer him up on twitter @OrderInMcCourt, or reach him at iwmccour@syr.edu.

Published on November 14, 2016 at 10:12 pm