It’s summer, which means you’re either enjoying the beautiful yellow thing in the sky that doesn’t wear sunglasses, or, like my job prospects, just trying to figure out a plan. Here is my attempt at trying to figure out my summer in the form of a running diary of events from one of the many dog days of May.

Side note: Why are they called dog days? Did we used to celebrate random dogs on specific days of the summer? If we did, can we go back to that?

2:28 a.m., the night before: Yeah, I’m setting an alarm for tomorrow at 9:30, because I want to be productive and do great things with all this free time I have. This is going to be great. I’ll finally get to build a house of cards and watch “House of Cards.”

9:30 a.m.: Wake up.

10:33 a.m.: Wake up a second time.

12:45 p.m.: Wake up a third time.

1 p.m.: Should I eat breakfast or lunch? This is such a weird time to start the day. Is this why daylight savings was invented? Pancakes could be fun, but I have no batter. I’ve had eggs the last three days, so I don’t want to do that — maybe some French toast?

1:14 p.m.: Make burnt toast with butter.

1:16 p.m.: Download Tinder, swipe until out of geographic reach.

I don’t care, like Christina Aguilera told me, I am beautiful, no matter what they say.

1:28 p.m.: Turn on TV.

I never get to watch daytime TV — this is awesome. I can’t wait to check out what I’m missing. Drew Carey is an American treasure whose work on “The Price is Right” inspired everyone not named Bob Barker. Daytime television is the backbone of our American viewing experience.

1:33 p.m.: A contestant begins to grind on Drew Carey.

1:33:15 p.m.: Pull up Netflix.

I deserve a little treat today — I’ll watch some “Friends,” but not for too long, I have to pick up those books I’m going to read this summer.

5:34 p.m.: Well, if I’ve already watched eight episodes, one more can’t really hurt.

6:03 p.m.: Delete Tinder.

6:07 p.m.: Download Tinder a second time.

I’ve always thought I look more attractive around dinnertime. It’s my dad-like humor.

6:37 p.m.: OK, my eyes hurt and I’m starting to get why Phoebe had no job other than playing music in a coffee shop. I need food to refuel my switch to Hulu Plus.

6:45 p.m.: Leave house to get Chipotle.

7:01 p.m.: Wait in line at Chipotle while nervously scanning the restaurant for kids from high school.

7:13 p.m.: Have a two-minute, awkward, conversation with James, who you haven’t spoken to in three years. Turns out Obama may be a socialist, follow up with James on that. Order food to go.

8:01 p.m.: Scan TV. I can’t believe it. Look at all these sports that are on. Playoffs in the NBA, NHL — this is why I love being home.

8:05 p.m.: Turn on Xbox, begin “NBA 2K” franchise.

I mean playing the game is way better than watching anyway.

10:06 p.m.: Dinner was so long ago, maybe it’s time for a snack.

10:37 p.m.: Eat about 500 jelly beans.

11:11 p.m.: Wish that I hadn’t eaten all those jelly beans. I need a bowl of cereal to clean my palette.

11:30 p.m.: Horrible idea, but hey, my Knicks franchise made it to the first round of the playoffs. I guess video games aren’t a real-life simulation.

12:07 p.m.: Get ready for bed, skip brushing teeth because it’s too time consuming.

12:49 a.m.: Download Tinder for the third time.

Danny Cuneo is a senior television, radio, and film major. He isn’t sure what to do with his hands right now. He can be reached at dacuneo@syr.edu.

Published on May 11, 2015 at 4:00 pm