I was going to write this week’s column about when I asked out a girl that I had a huge crush on early in college. This was what it was going to look like, sort of:

Oh man, sophomore year I did something so wild. This girl I had been crushing on for two years — that I barely even had the courage to talk to — was sitting in Bird Library with a bunch of her friends. She had this “Crazy, Stupid, Love” quality to her where she was sexy and cute at the same time and also very “Julianne Moore.” I feel like a combination of Rich Homie Quan and Tal Bachman trying to type this since she made me feel so many ways because of how high above me she was.

I asked her out and got her number, but nothing came out of it. She had just gotten out of a relationship and probably wasn’t interested in the first place. Oh well. At least I took my shot, right?

Look how cute I look in that version. Oh man, what a vulnerable guy taking a risk, asking out an attractive girl he doesn’t think he deserves. Jay Baruchel is smiling somewhere.

But then I sat up in my thinking chair and thought and thought and thought and realized I was doing it again. And by doing it, I meant putting girls on a pedestal. Before I begin, let’s just get it out of the way now: I know you’re thinking of “The 40-Year Old Virgin” when I say that, and yes, that scene is amazing.

I’ve been doing this my whole life, and it’s not fun to admit because it’s not healthy.

Step one: I have a crush on a girl.

Step two: I let my imagination run wild with impossible scenarios that I made up or took from somewhere because my love life is not original.

Step three: I either never talk to that girl or build up such a perfect image that she can never live up to, regardless of how awesome she might be in real life.

Rinse, repeat.

I’ve been setting myself up for failure since day one, like a square peg enrolling at Round Hole University. I’m not sure where I inherited this quality from, and I’m not going to blame TV or movies because that would be a “Cop Out” starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan. I think it’s something innate in guys who grew up without much confidence, otherwise known as guys like me.

Mentally, in high school, the pretty girls would end up being some sort of prize that, by making myself as likable as possible, one day I might be able to claim and prove the good guy can win, or whatever I tried to convince myself was justifiable in making girls out to be anything but real people. And I justified treating them that way because of how popular they were or how hot they were. You know, like a shallow person.

Can you imagine how much pressure that puts on girls? What if I told you that you were going to a party tomorrow and that it would be the greatest day of your life? There would be a waterfall made of chocolate and quad boxes from The Red Zone Channel and you were given a billion tokens to an arcade catered exactly to the type of video games you liked. This is what men want, right? Aren’t all men are a lazier version of Augustus Gloop?

Unfortunately it’s taken my 21 years to realize that girls are people too, not just a pawn in a game of life that I’m trying to win like a selfish idiot. And I know I’m not the only guy that’s done this, because I referenced Tal Bachman earlier in this column.

This isn’t to say that girls aren’t special and magical in their own way — they are. But first and foremost, they’re human.

And what does this say about me where looks matter this much to me? Am I just a dumb guy, or am I just afraid to admit I don’t want to settle because I think there’s a standard I “deserve.” I’ll keep it in mind when I have to write a column to my therapist.

This isn’t to bash guys from going after “the girl of their dreams,” or to keep putting themselves on the line and be vulnerable. In fact, it’s the opposite and something I’m still trying to figure out: don’t keep her in your dreams.

Maybe someday, I can learn that the real life version of a woman is the best thing out there so that I can enter healthy relationships. It’s time to wake up.

Danny Cuneo is a senior television, radio and film major. He has a lot of flaws, and recognizing that he has them and not acknowledging the positives is one of his bigger ones. He can be reached at dacuneo@syr.edu.

Published on April 18, 2016 at 8:08 pm