By this point in the semester, even the most hesitant of freshmen have started to see some of the fun parts of “adult” life. The first one being that you get to really have control over your own space — which is a nice way of saying that by now nearly every bedroom is sporting a mess large enough in diameter to house an extended family of rodents.

You are also entirely in charge of your own schedule — meaning you sleep in through your 9:30 a.m. class everyday.

Most importantly, you don’t have to hide your paraphernalia from anyone — unless you live in university housing. Which then, of course, it just goes into your sock drawer.

Well, all of that is about to change. Ready yourself for the hurricane of passive-aggressiveness, food-buying and “Real Dads/Moms Wear Orange” shirts — it’s Family Weekend.

This year, the university decided it was a good idea to schedule Family Weekend on a weekend without a football game, forcing you to actually have to talk to your parents. By this point, we all know what ‘Cuse does better than actually communicating — no offense, Newhouse. Let’s get to drinking.

CAUTION: This game is entirely satirical, much like Monopoly, Life: the board game and Life: the living condition. If you do choose to attempt this drinking game, you should play with water. You should not play with alcohol and you definitely should not show everyone who is boss by playing with fruit punch Four Loko.

 

Players: You, your parents and anyone else you want to form a familial-like relationship with. My closest friends — the drunk girls I’ve met in bathrooms over the years — have truly shown me that the best bonds are formed over drinks. Or standing over those throwing up said drinks.

Estimated time: The structure of this game is very much in the hands of the players. Minimum time: long enough that the comments about your grades/weight/relationship status become funny. Maximum time: the whole weekend and resume at the holidays.

Rules: Buckle up and pop your tops. Here we go.

Students, take one shot when they arrive. This one is unavoidable and you might feel tricked, but you’re welcome.

Parents, take one shot when you arrive to bring you back to your youth. You’re at college again. Act like it.

Students, take one drink if their first words to you are a comment about how you look exhausted/ill/like you put on weight.

Parents, take one drink if your child needs to take better care of themselves.

Students, take one keg stand if you are showing your parents your frat house. I know people do it, but it seems wrong to me.

Everyone, take a shot if you decide to go to Modern Malt/Dinosaur Bar-B-Que/Pastabilities/Empire Brewing Company/Stella’s. With the lines, you are going to need it.

Students, take a drink if you start wondering what to do with your family and thinking about how if they weren’t here you could get so much homework done and hang out with friends.

Parents, take four drinks if you start thinking about the real concerns in your life and how your children are ungrateful for all you sacrifice for them.

Everyone, finish all the drinks on hand and buy more if at any point you think “So this is what $60,000 a year looks like.”

Everyone, do a solid cheers to all the minutes in between these rules, because that is what family really is. It’s awesome in whatever form, and at school that is often what is missing.

Students, do a shot when they finally leave.

Patty Terhune is a senior policy studies and television, radio and film dual major. Her family is coming to visit campus this weekend for the first time since freshman year. To see what are sure to be some snarky live–tweets, follow her on Twitter @pattyterhune  or reach her at paterhun@syr.edu. 

Published on October 26, 2016 at 9:11 pm