You’re nauseous, tired and dizzy. The thought of food makes you struggle to hold down vomit. And that ringing in your head isn’t helping matters.

But hey, it’s flu season, right?

Wrong, tough guy, that ain’t influenza. You’re hungover.

Whether you remember it, you probably shouldn’t have forced down that last Beast or poured those four shots of Barton’s vodka … for yourself.

But, nonetheless, it happened.

Philip Tricca, a senior computer engineering major, says he’s had his fair share of hangovers in his four years at Syracuse University.

‘It’s painful,’ Tricca said. ‘There are two types of hangovers: When you drink beer, it’s a headache. With hard stuff, it’s always a stomachache. It’s just like having a cold, because you can’t do anything, so you’ve got to plan ahead and get all your work done.’

Sure, but let’s face it: Most college students can’t plan what they’re doing each night, let alone the next day. So how can you stop it the next morning? Well, everyone’s got a theory.

The Theories

‘All you need to do is increase your food intake,’ Tricca said. ‘That’s factual.’

Factual or not, sophomore Geoff Whitehouse says when he’s hungover, he can barely look at food, let alone eat it. He prefers liquids.

‘When I’m drunk, I usually pass out at 5 or 6 (a.m.),’ Whitehouse said. ‘I’ll force myself to wake up at 9 or 10 (a.m.) and drink some water before going back to sleep. Then when I wake up, I feel fantastic.’

But for deep sleepers like sophomore finance major Lea Archacki, Whitehouse’s theory just isn’t an option.

‘My theory is that passing out while your still wicked drunk will always give you a hangover,’ Archacki said. ‘Just have some water in the morning and you’ll be fine.’

All good advice. But if you ask 100 SU students for the best cure for a hangover, you’ll probably end up with 100 different responses.

So the question still remains: Which next-morning cure is the best?

The Results

Sure, I have no medical background. And I’m totally unqualified to collect scientific data. But my passion for alcohol is unparalleled.

I tried out six common cures for the college hangover: coffee, forced vomiting, forced eating, orange juice, Advil and the hair of the dog that bit me. Here’s how things went:

Test No. 1: Coffee

My head was pounding, my body was aching and my eyelids couldn’t have weighed less than 15 pounds when I woke up the morning after my first night of boozing. So I searched for some coffee to make me whole again.

Unfortunately, that’s not what it did.

After guzzling a couple of cups o’ Joe and giving the caffeine a little time to settle, I was even more hungover than when I woke up.

My eyelids were no longer involuntarily closing, but my head was still tightly held in a vise. And to make matters worse, I couldn’t get comfortable or sit still, when that was all my headache was begging me to do.

Test No. 1: Failed (miserably).

Test No. 2: Forced Eating

The second morning couldn’t hold a candle to the first, but it was bad nonetheless. But before my search for a decent breakfast could end, the idea of food got to my stomach.

Test No. 2: Failed (but yielded Test No. 3).

Test No. 3: Forced Vomiting

Thanks to test No. 2, it wasn’t forced. But it didn’t really help my cause. It did somewhat ease my stomachache, but my head still hurt afterward (it felt like it was exploding during my toilet-hugging experience).

Test No. 3: Failed.

Test No. 4: Orange Juice

This test only happened because I was out of Advil, but I’m glad it did. In my search for pills to pop, my friend, Dan, suggested I try out his method instead.

‘Just chug two glasses of orange juice and drink the third slowly,’ he said.

Dan had joined me in my alcoholic debauchery the previous night, so he offered to join me in testing his theory.

Much to my surprise, it actually worked.

Within 15 minutes of swallowing the last remaining sip of the third cup, I felt good enough to take a stroll through campus. But it was snowing, so I stayed in.

Test No. 4: PASSED!

Test No. 5: Advil

This test made plenty of sense on paper. I’d just take some headache medicine to cure the hangover blues and go on with my day, right?

You guessed it. Sure, my headache went away, but my stomach was still in shambles and ready to burst (either up or down) at any second. I toughed it out, but it wasn’t pleasant.

Test No. 5: Failed.

Test No. 6: The Hair of the Dog That Bit Me

The night prior to this test was so rough on me that when I woke up, I wasn’t sure if I was hungover or just still drunk.

So I tried out a common theory among drinkers that a hangover is just a result of alcohol withdrawal. Therefore, it makes sense to combat a hangover by drinking some more.

So I grabbed a beer and chugged it. It wasn’t easy, but I got it down.

Let’s just say that if I wasn’t drunk before, I was now. And then I got my hangover about an hour and a half later.

Test No. 6: Failed.

The Truth

OK, so one test worked. But what does it mean?

Susan A. Scholl of SU’s Substance Abuse Prevention and Health Enhancement Office says the only clear-cut way to prevent a hangover is, obviously, to not drink.

‘There are no cures for a hangover yet,’ Scholl said. ‘By and large, the hangover is a phenomenon. The causes are not completely understood.’

The only thing doctors know is that hangovers are at least partially due to a mini-withdrawal that the brain suffers. Still, Scholl says that drinking in the morning won’t cure the hangover.

Each person reacts differently to alcohol each time they drink and, thus, they react differently to the supposed cures. Therefore, if you drink heavily, be prepared to feel the repercussions in the morning. Then, scrounge around your room and check all your pants’ pockets for sufficient funds to do it all over again.

Published on September 19, 2004 at 12:00 pm